Enterprise-grade Siddu. Built on world-class governance, two employees, and one heroic steamer.
Siddu Global Enterprises Pvt. Ltd. ("SGE") is a vertically integrated, multi-division culinary conglomerate operating across key markets including: Near the parking spot, Opposite the chai stall, and Wherever hunger spikes.
About SGE
We take ourselves extremely seriously so you don’t have to.
Mission
To deliver high-integrity Siddu experiences through disciplined steam governance, rigorous chutney controls, and enterprise-level queue orchestration.
Operating Model
Single stall. Two employees. 11 departments. Infinite confidence.
Departments
Yes, we have all of them. No, we do not have headcount.
Product Engineering (Siddu)
Owns dough architecture, filling roadmap, and steam performance tuning.
Customer Experience (CX)
Manages queue happiness, order accuracy, and "bhaiya teekha" requirements.
Finance & Audit
UPI reconciliation, cash flow forecasting, and chutney waste prevention.
Supply Chain
Global sourcing across Tier-1 vendors (nearest kirana shop).
Legal & Compliance
Ensures all operations comply with: "clean rakho" and "haath dholo".
IT & Digital Transformation
QR code uptime, phone battery management, and WhatsApp order protocol.
Human Resources
Handles talent acquisition (future), performance reviews (current), and tea-break negotiations (ongoing). Primary HR policy: "Koi baat nahi".
Facilities & Steam Infrastructure
Owns steamer uptime, lid-seal integrity, and aroma diffusion strategy across adjacent markets.
Leadership
Two-person executive team managing a complex matrix organization. Brave.
Executive Titles (for Name Badges)
Use these on uniforms to make the stall look like a Fortune 500 HQ.
Investor Relations
We welcome strategic partners who believe in disruptive steaming.
Why Invest
Strong unit economics (siddu), defensible moat (aroma), and scalable platform (one steamer). We are aggressively expanding into high-growth segments such as: extra chutney.
Key Risks
Onion price volatility, sudden rain, and "UPI nahi chal raha" incidents. Mitigation plan: keep cash and keep umbrella.
Quarterly Guidance (Not Financial Advice)
Q1: Launch new SKU — “Stealth Siddu” (same siddu, new name).
Q2: Expand addressable market by moving 2 steps closer to the crowd.
Q3: Implement enterprise queue system (a rope).
Q4: IPO (Irresistible Plate Offering).
Contact
For demos, partnerships, and board-level chutney discussions.
Corporate HQ
Near that one shop. You know the one.
Landmark: follow the steam.
Inquiry Form (Absolutely Real)
This form does not send anywhere. It is purely for corporate vibes.
Official Disclaimers
• This website is 97% corporate satire and 3% real hunger.
• "Global" refers to our ability to serve anyone within walking distance.
• Any resemblance to an actual MNC is purely intentional.
Press Kit
Available upon request. Includes: logo, steam photos, and our audited chutney ratio.